The Bardo of Becoming
Tibetan Book of the Dead
Life often presents us with moments where everything seems to come to a halt. It’s as though the world stops spinning, time slows down, and nothing seems to move forward. This stillness can be incredibly uncomfortable, leaving us feeling stuck, lost, or disconnected. However, this is not merely a state of stagnation; it’s the Bardo of Becoming—a sacred stage between death and rebirth, where profound transformation occurs.
The word "Bardo" comes from Tibetan Buddhism, referring to the intermediate state between death and rebirth. While traditionally associated with the physical death of a person, it is also a metaphor for the many smaller deaths and rebirths we experience in life. These can be the death of relationships, careers, identities, or phases of life. What follows these deaths is the Bardo of Becoming, a time when we are no longer who we once were but have not yet stepped into who we are meant to be. Lissa Rankin’s article titled “The Space Between Stories” has always been one of my favorite pieces that I think describes the Bardo perfectly.
This in-between phase is uncomfortable and often disorienting, but it holds immense power. It is a time when, though it feels like nothing is happening, everything is, in fact, shifting just beneath the surface. The challenge is learning to embrace this stillness and to surrender to the transformative power of the journey.
For me, after the death of both my parents and the loss of my job last year, everything seemed to come to a standstill. It was as though I had entered a universal "time out," where all momentum was gridlocked. At first, this stillness brought immense frustration. I was accustomed to moving forward, to achieving and progressing, and suddenly, I was forced to slow down. The more I resisted this slowing down, the more stuck I became. As I slowly allowed myself to sit in that discomfort, to embrace the stillness, I began to see that this time was not about doing or achieving—it was about being.
If I was being honest, I did not have the capacity to move forward. Having lost both of my parents in such a short amount of time, it took me a moment to gather my footing and begin to shuffle around my new reality. Perhaps this was also the Bardo of belonging, finding a new home and family. The Bardo was where I truly began integrating all of my plant medicine ceremonies and unraveling what it meant to be human, to face my own mortality and suffering head-on. This stage in my development was crucial because it allowed the lessons I’d learned and the wisdom I’d gained to alchemize and truly become embodied. I don’t believe my Ministry would have been complete without this essential deepening.
I think it’s important to state that for many, especially spiritual seekers, there will be many bardos in one’s life. If you are constantly reflecting, questioning, and up-leveling your frequency you will have to die many deaths to meet a new version of yourself. The phrase "Die before you die" comes from Sufi mysticism, particularly the teachings of the poet Rumi. It refers to the idea of letting go of the ego and attachments before physical death in order to experience spiritual awakening and connection with the Divine. By "dying" to the false self, one can live with greater love, awareness, and freedom.
One of the hardest things to do in the Bardo of Becoming is to trust the process and surrender. Our natural inclination is to resist change, the stillness, to fight against the lack of movement, and to try to force our way forward. But in the Bardo, forcing is futile. It is a time of surrender, of letting go of control, and of trusting that the universe is working behind the scenes to bring about the next phase of our journey.
In many ways, the Bardo of Becoming is a critical part of the hero’s journey, when the hero must enter their dark night of the soul, descend into the underworld, sit with their inner demons, and eventually emerge transformed. It is a time of patience and trust, where the hero must allow the process to unfold in its own time. The pathway to awakening is not a linear process; it is a journey that requires patience and a willingness to sit in the discomfort of the in-between.
The Bardo of Becoming is not a place of punishment or martyrdom—it is a sacred space where we are given the opportunity to discover deep inner truths, to let go of what no longer serves us, and to prepare for the rebirth that awaits us on the other side. The Bardo is not a place to be feared or resisted—it is part of the grand design of the universe to help you awaken to your greatest, highest self. Be still and be patient…a new you awaits on the other side.
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